Understanding Grief: Why It Connects Us and Why We Struggle to Support Each Other
There are certain experiences in life that remind us of the deep threads connecting us as human beings. Shared experiences, shared feelings, shared desires, that don’t discriminate. Grief is one of those threads. Sooner or later, almost all of us will encounter it. Yet even with greater awareness of mental health today, grief still has the power to send our minds and bodies into survival mode: fight, flight, or freeze. Interestingly, it’s not only our own grief that triggers this reaction — but also the grief of others.
Why We Struggle to Talk About Grief
We often feel uncomfortable in the presence of someone else’s pain. We want to fix it, find the silver lining, make things positive again. Not knowing what to say leads to fear of saying the wrong thing and many of us choose silence instead. But for the person grieving, silence and avoidance can be deeply painful. A lack of acknowledgment can feel isolating, compounding an already overwhelming experience.
The Pressure of “Doing Grief Right”
For those that are grieving, the journey can be equally confusing. We often question ourselves:
Am I experiencing the supposed stages of grief correctly?
How long is it “acceptable” to grieve? Is long-term grief a disorder?
Should I put on a brave face to make others comfortable?
Am I being a burden to those around me?
There is often subtle (or not-so-subtle) pressure to return to “normal” – but life can never go back to what it was before a loss. And loss has the power to change who we are. The idea of “getting over it” is not only unrealistic, but unfair to the unique nature of each person’s grief journey.
When Silence Hurts More Than Words
Whether you grieving yourself, or supporting someone who is, I am sure you can relate. It is likely that you too have felt uncertain about how to navigate the situation. Conflicting advice and often rigid theories about grief stages can leave both grievers and supportesr wondering, “am I doing this right?”. The truth is, grief is universal, yet profoundly individual. Understanding this can help us respond with more compassion – to ourselves, and to others.
My Personal Experience with Grief
As a trained Counsellor – and perhaps more importantly, as someone who has walked through many types of deep loss, including the grief of losing a child – I understand the complexities of this journey. I’ve seen how isolating it can feel, but also how meaningful it is to have someone simply be there without judgement or expectation, or to simply witness and acknowledge my grief.
In the coming weeks I will be sharing a blog series on grief. I will be exploring:
What grief really looks like (are the ‘five stages’ even relevant?);
How to respond to our own grief from a place of resilience;
How to support others and bear witness to their story in a way that honours their unique experience.
If you have ever wondered how to comfort someone grieving, questioned if you grief is “normal”, or simply want to understand this universal human experience more deeply, I invite you to follow along.
Are you navigating grief of supporting someone who is?
If you’re seeking compassionate, professional counselling on the Central Coast NSW (or online from anywhere in Australia), I’d love to walk alongside you. Contact me here to find support that honours your journey.