Busy Isn’t better: the gift of downtime
Some of us find it genuinely difficult to sit still. To pause, slow down, and simply be. I used to be one of those people — and truthfully, sometimes I still am. From a young age, I filled my days with back-to-back activities. Just ask my Mum, who spent years chauffeuring me from one commitment to the next!
I remember a moment at school when we were invited to take part in a relaxation exercise, lying quietly in a darkened classroom. I couldn’t wait for it to be over. My body was still, but my mind was restless. I didn’t feel calm — I felt agitated. That sense of discomfort with stillness followed me into adulthood. I often struggled with unstructured days or stretches of time spent alone. The quiet felt unsettling.
Over time, however, I began to understand the value of slowing down. I gradually learned how essential it is to be able to relax and to be at ease in my own company. It didn’t happen overnight, but it has been a transformative journey.
We can’t go a million miles an hour forever. Constantly filling our time with activity and connection — even for the most extroverted among us — isn’t sustainable. Sometimes, our busyness masks deeper emotional patterns. It’s worth asking:
Are we avoiding feelings of loneliness?
Are we seeking affirmation through productivity or social engagement?
Are we tying our sense of worth to being needed, seen, or busy?
Are we chasing a version of life that’s been filtered through the lens of social media?
Sometimes the fear isn’t of being alone, but of what we might discover in the quiet.
It’s important to recognise that solitude and loneliness are not the same. Being alone doesn’t mean something is wrong — in fact, learning to be alone is a key part of knowing ourselves more deeply. In solitude, we learn to trust ourselves. We find space to take off the masks we wear for others and connect with who we truly are. We become less reliant on external affirmation and more grounded in our own identity.
Beyond the emotional growth it fosters, downtime is also vital for our wellbeing. Rest is not a luxury — it's a necessity. Our bodies and minds need opportunities to recharge. If you’re feeling exhausted, irritable, anxious, or unable to relax or sleep, it may be a sign that your nervous system is overstretched, and you’re overdue for some intentional rest.
The good news is that embracing rest doesn’t require a total lifestyle overhaul. Start small:
Turn off your phone for 15 minutes.
Enjoy a quiet cup of tea without distractions.
Take a solo walk during your lunch break.
Wind down earlier in the evening — even just half an hour of screen-free time before bed can help.
Choose what feels achievable and build from there.
None of us are energiser bunnies with limitless reserves. A little stillness, a little solitude, a little space to breathe — it’s good for us.
Try it sometime.
If you’re feeling burnt out, anxious when alone, or unsure how to slow down, counselling or coaching can help you explore what’s going on underneath the surface - and give you tools to find calm, clarity, and balance. Book a session today and take the first step toward a healthier, more grounded you.